Saturday, January 5, 2013

hard day

today i struggled with anger and bitterness over the things that have happened in my past and also currently happening.  it is not healthy and it does me no good.  i need to let it go.  i need to find happiness and gratefulness in my anger.  hopefully the positivity will push out the negativity....

i am grateful that the girl brad chooses to date seems like a nice person and seems to treat my children well.

i am grateful that brad moved here to be around his children.

i am grateful that i live in a nice apartment.

i am grateful for starbucks, having money on my starbucks card and long car rides drinking starbucks while my children nap in the backseat.  these moments save me sometimes.

i am grateful that i have the choice over how i react to situations.  i need to learn to use that choice more often and not react automatically out of anger and frustration.

i am grateful that my washer and dryer are fixed.

Monday, December 31, 2012


My world needs to change....and the way to change it is to change myself.  The way I plan to tackle this is through affirmations and making an effort to be grateful for the things that I already have and put forth effort into changing things to be even more positive.....

Power, Wealth, Abundance: I gratefully accept financial serenity and abundance.  I attract money in abundance and am committed to becoming wealthy.
Career, Self, Work: I accept an easy and effortless
increase in the flow of my business and am grateful to operate highly successful businesses with integrity.  I am attaining and maintaining my ideal weight and am strong in mind, body and soul.
Love, Marriage, Relationships: I choose to welcome love, romance, and fun into my life right now.  I attract truth and honesty in all my relationships and return the same.
Creativity, Children, Legacy:  My children and I treat each other with respect, loving-kindness and appreciate that we have each other.
I lovingly provide a nurturing, encouraging, and inspiring environment where my children thrive.

...and so it is.  :)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

better late than never

1. i am grateful that this is my own blog and no one cares whether i post late or not. grateful that i can choose to post when i want.

2. i am grateful that i have a sister and a good friend who are both hairdressers so i haven't had to pay for haircuts in a long time and even had really cool hair for years without having to pay big bucks for it.

3. i am grateful that i have a car that works well and is reliable to get me places i want and need to go.

4. i am grateful that when i moved to gloucester, i made a big effort to get out and meet people and reconnect with people, even though i was sure i didn't want to dredge up my past friendships. i am pleasantly surprised how happy these friendships make me now.

5. i am grateful that i am able to get out with friends, whether it be with or without the kids. being outside of the house makes life a lot more enjoyable for me....

Sunday, September 19, 2010


1. i am grateful that.....i have a supportive family that is allowing me to come live with them when my life exploded..

2. i am grateful that.....i have 2 beautiful children. even though they weren't planned and came at times that were not so good, i am happy that i was able to have children and that i was given the chance to be a mom. if it hadnt happened by accident, i dont know if it ever would have been planned so i am glad for my little accidents...

3. i am grateful that.....unemployment exists in this country. i am not a big fan of all that this country does but am glad that when they decide to make large budget cuts for the arts and my job is eliminated and i am left with 2 children and a father that doesn't support them, it is nice to know that money is going to come from somewhere when i can't quite figure out how i can afford to get a job and pay for both of them to be in daycare. it's nice to be getting paid to be a stay at home mom. it's the most stressful and important job i have ever done, so it's nice to actually get paid to do it. all SAHM's should get paid. and on top of that, they should get vacation time as well.

4. i am grateful that.....i have been able to get into belly dancing since i have moved. i wasn't sure there was going to be a tribal community in this area but i have found outlets to be able to teach in the community and perform as well. and there is hope to connect with other troupes in the area for performing. that would be super awesome.

5. i am grateful that.....i have fantastic friends all over the world. some are long time friends in "real life" and others are friends that i have connected with from forums online. some of my online friends have moved over into the realm of real life friends and these groups of online ladies have been so supportive to me during so many hard times in my life. it's amazing how much love and support people who have never met you can offer you. there are wonderful people out there and i am lucky to have "met" so many of them...'s "grateful 5" were pretty easy. it's the beginning. those are some of the core basics of what i am thankful for in my life though. we will see what the next post brings!

and so it begins...

i have had a lot of crappy stuff happen in the past year or so. actually, life has been on a pretty good downward spiral for a few years now, probably starting with when my engagement was broken and i had to call the wedding off (because he "wasn't ready" to get married. just a tip to any guy reading this....if you aren't ready to get married, DON'T PROPOSE! anyway....). from there i got into a rebound relationship which was fun but soon turned serious. fast forward a year or so to accidentally getting pregnant and then trying to work out the rocky rebound relationship. then i found out that i was getting laid off of my teaching job....and 2 weeks later found out i was pregnant AGAIN. to add insult to injury, my relationship was sinking faster than the titanic and my life was about to explode. i will spare all the details leading up to my life exploding but generally, it wasn't good for anyone. i became a single, pregnant mom with a 1 year old who didn't have a job and as a result, couldn't afford the morgage on my house. fast forward again to moving back home with my parents at age 31 with my 1 year old and 2 month old baby.

basically, life shit on me and it's been a rough few years. and i have been living home with my parents now for a little over 6 months and not much has changed. i mean, i have friends and hang out and we do stuff, but i am still unemployed, without a place of my own and still very single. in fact, i don't even think i've FLIRTED with a guy in over a year. it's a little pathetic actually. i am afraid i might lose my game.

anyway, i am sick of feeling like my life sucks. people talk about the power of positive thinking so i have decided that i am going to force myself to think positively so that i can feel better about my life, and maybe even will the universe into helping me move out of the sucky stage of my life and into a stage where i am happy with things again. so my experiment is to write 5 things that i am grateful for. i plan to write at least every week but i might do it every day. heck, if i get on a roll, i might do it many times a day. i am hoping that by taking a few moments to appreciate the things that i DO have in my life and that are going well, i might not focus so much on the suckiness of all that shit in the past few years. so here goes.....